Tuesday, November 4, 2008

CNN Hologram Almost Star Wars Cool

Help me, Wolf Blitzer, you're my only hope!

Who knows how long this video will be up for, but it's sorta sweet. CNN has unveiled this hologram technology that projects 3D renderings of remote correspondents into the studio. It's like, the future, or something.

Black Panthers Guard Polling Place

Ahh, it's just like election day in Sierra Leone. Good times.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Find Your Polling Place With Google Maps

It's election day. Do you know where your polling place is? Let Google tell you with this handy little maplet.

CNN will be live for the next twenty plus hours. It's like Gulf War 1 all over again.

We're taking a survey. What do you think we should do with this blog after the election is over?

We've made it pretty clear that we don't particularly like either candidate. But we do like gambling. And intrade.com says that the money is on Barack Obama. Money talks, and the money is giving Obama 347 electoral votes and McCain 191 electoral votes.

I'm watching CNN right now. Was that Dave Chappelle on stage with Joe biden? It sorta looked like him.

If you vote in California and you like other people telling you how to vote, here's he official Viralroots Voting Guide:

1A. No
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No
9. No
10. No
11. Yes
12. No

May the best man win. And if he doesn't, please, try not to resort to violence.

This is Philip Marlowe, signing off.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

Sorry for not posting in a while, but I've basically spent the past two weeks searching endlessly for this video. It's so sad, yet I can't stop watching. Skip to about 2:30 in to see this poor girl take the fall of a lifetime. Oy.

Monday, October 6, 2008

At Least We Have Sarah Palin

Another day, another 360 points down the poop shoot. At least there's Tina Fey and her impression of that Ice Road gremlin to keep up smiling. PS, I just heard a guy on CNN say, not playing the stock market is pretty sound advice.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

Duh, Homer Simpson Tries To Vote For Obama.

Below is a rant. And not even a good one. So if that doesn't float your boat, just watch the Simpsons video and move on.

I've been an absent leader this week. I just recently discovered that I have a day job. So I'm gonna make up for it by just saying a bunch of random shit right now.

Firstly, everyone is insane.

I love that Sarah Palin won last night's debate simply because she survived. I'm sick and tired of feminists bitching about glass ceilings, but god forbid Joe Biden raise his voice to a girl.

Anyone who can even pretend that Palin is ready for DC or adds something to the ticket is entirely delusional. It's not even a discussion. It's simple physics. There's not an industry in the world that would hire someone this unprepared to be their CEO's backup. Arguing otherwise is like saying you can flap your arms and fly to the moon.

By the way, if I ever found myself having a conversation with someone that speaks and gestures and behaves the way she does, I'd probably blow my brains out. Could you imagine asking someone questions that consistently either answers different questions or doesn't answer at all? If she's VP, there might be heads of state slitting their wrists in meetings.

Maybe I'm an asshole because I'm from a big city, but it seriously blows my mind that anyone of this personality type can tie their shoes, yet alone make it into the public spotlight. I've only seen people like this in the movie FARGO and on the show Ice Road Truckers. God help these people.

I could just keep on posting links to the Katie Couric interview etc, but PETA says I can no longer beat dead horses.

Senator McCain: Congratulations, you blew it. And I wait with baited breath for you to "make famous" those responsible for the billions of dollars in pork attached to this bailout bill that you voted for. At least you were neither "absent" nor "present" this time.

I could go into our downward spiral towards socialism and rip into Obama and talk about how Schwarzenegger threw us Californians under the bus, but this has been exhausting. I'll save all that for another time.

Monday, September 29, 2008


Bank RunI should probably be busy in the lab writing amazingly witty blog posts and honing my comic stylings, but I opted for jumping out my second story window instead. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea. When I decided to jump, the DOW was down 700 points. But as I lay in the bushes, I can hear the radio from upstairs and it seems the DOW has recovered and is only down 563 points now. Drat. I always jump the gun. In the meantime watch this "shocking video unearthed" of Democrats being dumb and inter-titles made by a ten-year-old. Okay nevermind down 748. And they keep blaming the Jews!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Sarah Palin Swimsuit Beauty Pageant Video


Ignore the below Viral Video Of The Week. It's crude and I apologize. My Bubbie already called and said she fell out of her chair when she saw it. Shame on me. Rather, enjoy the sensual curves of Sarah Palin in a one-piece sweatin it to the 80s. And when I say sensual curves, I mean dumpy ass. What's next? John McCain hosting a 1992 wet t-shirt competition in Ft. Lauderdale? No wonder my people love him down there.

Viral Video Of The Week

For the record, I just wanna say that I'm by no means proud of posting this video. That is all.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Top 5 Hurricane Ike Clips

There's sorta nothing funnier than reporters facing certain death in the name of responsible journalism. Here are some of the highlights from hurricane Ike live coverage.

1. Geraldo Rivera takes a nasty fall into raw sewage. He even says he's "gonna be the star of YouTube now."

2. Weather Channel reporter blown away by huge gust, keeps reporting.

3. Drunken Dancing Chicken Wastes Anderson Cooper's Flavor.

4. Reporter broadcasts from inside giant swells.

5. (Not hurricane Ike but too funny to not post) Female Weather Channel reporter gets blown into a truck screaming.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Happy Monday!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

Here at viralroots.com, our top secret proprietary algorithm crunches away 24/7 so that on a fairly regular basis, we can bring you the Viral Video Of The Week. And the algorithm is never wrong. Sometimes it feels wrong when the the Viral Video Of The Week happens to be Ninja Cat, but I assure you, it's not. Don't blame the algorithm. Blame the tubes. Kisses. Marlowe.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hilarious Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt

I know our readers aren't exactly the sharpest in the tubes. In fact, when I was showed this I was told it was pro Palin. Well, clearly it's not. You see, once upon a time, a movie came out called JUNO. And JUNO was about a teenage girl having an unplanned pregnancy. She chose to keep the baby. And then, a gal no one heard of named Sarah Palin won the Republican vice presidential nomination. And it just so happens that she has a pregnant teenage daughter. Just like Juno. Hence the T-Shirt. Get it? [Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt]


New Barack Obama is Boring

What happened to Obama the celebrity? Because Obama the politician is boooorrrriiinngg. He needs to stay on message. Meaning, talk about change, not about what change is. The devil truly is in the details. Make me believe you'll make things better. Don't tell me how. Another $1000 in stimulus? Please! If a thousand dollars could change my life, I'd make a deposit at the sperm bank. And Wall Street regulation? Snooze! Crack down on lobbyists? I don't actually think the average American can tell me what a lobbyist is. And as a private detective/c-list blogger who does know what a lobbyist is, I really don't think a crack down will effect the way I live. I really prefer Obama acting all schticky and cutesy like he did on Letterman.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on SNL...sorta

Watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on last night's season premier of Saturday Night Live. The two women address sexism in the campaigns. Its hilarious...check it:

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

This is the latest Microsoft Bill Gates/Jerry Seinfeld "commercial" but it's really more of a short film. It's four and half minutes long and is totally hilarious. Bill and Jerry are feeling out of touch with reality, so they go stay with a normal middle-American family. And hilarity ensues.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Sarah Palin On God And War With Charlie Gibson

Well, at least she backpedals like a real politician.

A brief transcript from the interview:
GIBSON: You said recently in your old church, “Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God.”

[PALIN speaking in an archive clip]: Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right, also for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God.

GIBSON: Are we fighting a Holy War?

PALIN: That’s a repeat of Abraham Lincoln’s words, when he said, first he suggested, never presume to know what God’s will is, and I would never presume to know God’s will or to speak god’s words, but what Abraham Lincoln had said, and that’s a repeat in my comments, was, let us not pray that God is on our side, in a war, or any other time. But let us pray that we are on God’s side. That’s what that comment was all about, Charlie.
Obviously, what Palin says at that speech bears no resemblance to her own explanation given in last night's interview. I've done a little Googling and there's no possible way anyone in their right mind could construe Palin's words as some sort of re-imagining of Abraham Lincoln's words. Now, Lincoln clearly spent a lot of time speaking of god. But, within the context of invoking god as justification for policy, it seems Lincoln was implying the complete opposite of what Sarah Palin said in her speech.

Abraham Lincoln's quote from wikiquote: "Our task should not be to invoke religion and the name of God by claiming God's blessing and endorsement for all our national policies and practices—saying, in effect, that God is on our side. Rather, we should pray and worry earnestly whether we are on God's side."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Attack Ads: McCain Hits Hard With Lipstick and Fact Check

I gotta admit, Obama is sounding desperate in his off-the-cuff speech. It's like he's willing to say anything. It's vaguely reminiscent of the flustered Hillary Clinton that emerged. The Obama people gotta figure out a better way to manage this whole Palin thing. The Karl Rove handbook says go after her strengths. I can see how it's difficult when her greatest strength is that she's a she.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sarah Palin Wins Vagina Vote

Hot off the presses from Reuters:

"Before the Democratic National Convention in late August, Obama held an 8 percentage point lead among white women voters, 50 percent to 42 percent, but after the Republican convention in early September, McCain was ahead by 12 points among white women, 53 percent to 41 percent, the poll found."

This point swing is something we haven't seen in a very long time. Back in the university days, we used to call a swing like this "statistically significant." How refreshing. Is Samantha Bee right? Are women abandoning that whole pro-choice thing to get a woman into the White House? Just like that, huh? If Democratic women believed in god, I'd say they just sold their soul for vagina. Now of course I sell my soul for vagina every friday and saturday night at bars and clubs, but I sorta expected more from the fairer sex.

John McCain Is NOT A Maverick

Latest attack ad from Barack Obama. "John McCain is more of the same." I didn't get a chance to talk about McCain's RNC speech, but in case anyone cares, I actually thought it was pretty good. Not that I know anything at all about campaign strategy, but it seemed to hit the notes it was supposed to hit and it struck me as sincere. Surprised?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

John McCain Wants Ron Paul Support, I Laugh

The Washington Times is reporting that John McCain has his sights set on Ron Paul and his supporters. This is totally hilarious because John McCain is a socialist. "Mr. Paul has refused to endorse Mr. McCain, and Mr. McCain's operatives have refused to let him address the Republican National Convention. " In fact, it seems that the McCain people are playing hard ball by restricting his camp's access to the convention. Says statesman.com,
Paul spokesman Jesse Benton said later that Paul can go to the floor like any Republican House member. But, Benton said, the party has yet to agree to permit Paul to be accompanied by a political aide and someone to keep watch over him.

“We thought we had an agreement over the weekend” enabling Paul to circulate with two aides on the floor among some 260 delegates in his camp. “It looks like there is a hang-up.”
All very interesting stuff. These people really know how to win over your support. I'm sure after being treated like Ralph Nader, Ron Paul is dying to hand over his donor list.

And here's Ron Paul at the Rally For The Republic:

Friday, August 29, 2008

John McCain Picks Running Mate, Makes Crazy Video

Alaska: Coldest state, hottest governor.

You've no doubt heard that John McCain has picked Sarah Palin as his VP running mate. I'm really conflicted about this. I like Sarah Palin because, well, she's sorta hot. So there is that. However, if I had to make a list of people more out of touch than John McCain, my list would consist of the homeless, the mentally ill, and those who live in Alaska.

Anyway, here's a video from McCain called "Convention Night" in which he perfectly channels Dr. Evil by oh so insidiously trumping Obama. Mwahahaha.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Attack Ads: Confusing John McCain Ad Boggles Minds

The latest attack ad coming from the McCain camp is called "Remote Control." I'd like to think I'm a fairly bright guy, but I found this video confusing as shit. Within the video is TV. And on that TV is random clips of global violence. And this is a fancy TV, because it has Picture-In-Picture. And the Picture-In-Picture displays more random clips, but of various politicians talking about Obama's lack of experience. And then Chris Dodd comes on, which is just weird cuz I haven't thought about him in like years. It's all very strange and I think It's supposed to mean that Obama's lack of experience caused the conflict in Georgia but I'm not really sure.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dennis Kucinich's DNC Speech

Okay, I'm stoned, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. I just watched Dennis Kucinich's Democratic National Convention speech. Wow. That little man is a great speaker. He was clearly an evangelical preacher in a past life. And the way he gyrates at the end, wow, just like a penguin. And look at the dems eat it up. Aren't they cute? By the way, Elizabeth Kucinich was just named fourth most beautiful person on Capitol Hill by thehill.com. I'm hungry. Oh so Kucinich's speech was called "Wake Up, America", which vaguely has a neo-nazi ring to it, but what do i know. So here's a picture of Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich. And the speech below.

Barack Obama Look-Alike

With all the craziness of the DNC, it's important not to lose sight of what's really important. Such as the Barack Obama look-alike. According to this video, he's a Cuban-American reporter. And he looks exactly like Obama. But then, he speaks. And he starts looking exactly like Tony Montana, political prisoner.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Statistics Going Into DNC

Going into the Democratic National Convention, Gallup has McCain and Obama tied up at 45% a piece. Rasmussen Reports puts Obama in the lead with 46% to McCain's 42%. Despite the candidates being neck-and-neck, various web metrics still diverge greatly, consistently favoring Obama. While JohnMcCain.com has seen a major traffic increase since earning the nomination, BarackObama.com is still averaging over a million more hits per month [Compete]. That's over double the traffic.

If you look at search engine traffic, over 3000 keywords are driving visitors to barackobama.com while just under 1000 keywords drive visits to johnmccain.com

obama mccain youtube statistics
On Youtube, Obama is remains light years ahead of McCain for subscribers and views. It's just impossible for McCain to make any headway so the raw Youtube numbers are pretty worthless. There's one interesting consistency. Obama's Youtube videos are generally rated 5 stars. McCain's are generally rated 3 stars. See the graphic above.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Joe Biden To Add Comedy To Obama Campaign

Senator Joe Biden, (frequently referred to as the "Norm Macdonald of D.C." (and when I say frequently, I mean I just made that up)) has been chosen to lighten up the Barack Obama campaign with his particular brand of humor as the Democratic vice presidential nominee. The comic styling of Joe Biden will no doubt reel in the stoner vote. See below.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

This weeks Viral Video Of The Week has all the hallmarks of a great Viral Video but doesn't appear to be spreading. It's short, funny and vaguely offensive. The only thing it's missing is sex or violence, or both. Venezuelan sportscaster, Willie Oviedo is doing some heartfelt commentary during Michael Phelps' eighth medal victory and sentimentally explains that this was the first time anyone won eight gold medals since the last time Michael Phelps did during the 1972 Olympics in Munich, Germany. During which, Hitler refused to hand the medals to an American. I wonder whose text books are more accurate, Venezuela's or China's.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

HOUSE WARS: McCain Fires Back At Obama Attack Ad

Oh, it's on! There's blood in the streets as John McCain and Barack Obama battle to reign supreme in owning the least amount of real estate. Rumor has it that John McCain just moved into a burnt out meth trailer, only to be outdone when Obama took up residency in an Andy Gump behind Wrigley Field with Tony Rezko. They are both expected to pick out cardboard boxes in Los Angeles' exclusive Skid Row this weekend. News as it breaks.

Attack Ads: McCain On Obama's Messiah Complex

The McCain camp has a sense of sarcasm and irony that can only be truly appreciated by the stoned. We've seen McCain go after Obama's celebrity status. Which clearly backfired, resulting in Paris Hilton running for President. Now, McCain attacks Obama by exposing the dangers of his messianic-like following to the world. (It's called "The One.") Job well done. I have absolutely no fucking clue who this attack ad is supposed to appeal to. It again feels like McCain is Obama's campaign manager. And sorta good at it. Who doesn't want to vote for a black rockstar jesus?

The Viralroots Store

From time to time we talk about great books and dvds that deal with the social and viral nature of the web. Links to them are sorta scattered all over the blog, but fear not. In an entirely self-serving move, I've thrown together an Amazon aStore where I can add all the wares I talk about, when I talk about them. I reads alot, you see. Especially about ways to support myself from sitting in front of a computer. The store is neat because it lets you make different categories. That's helpful because when I go on weird tangents in blog posts from out of nowhere, I can throw up books so you'll have some background. So, check it out: The Viralroots Store

Barack Obama Attack Ads: McCain Owns Too Many Homes

Barack Obama has come out swinging with the attack ads. There are five new mudslinging commercials just in the last day. Any my very favorite is a tv ad entitled "Seven." It has nothing to do with Brad Pitt and everything to do with the seven houses John McCain owns. As in, the other day when John McCain was asked how many houses he owns, he lost track. Well guess what, Mr. McCain. You own seven! So there! And that's like I dunno six too many! Stuff it!

Firstly, I'd like to say that ragging on John McCain for "losing track" of anything is totally cruel. It's like making fun of a retarded kid for playing baseball like, well, a retarded kid. Secondly, nothing epitomizes the current state of the Democratic Party like an attack ad going after the success (rather, successfully marrying) of an opponent. Cartman makes fun of Kenny for being poor. And Obama makes fun of McCain for being (marrying) rich. And I know with the federal government bailing out sub-prime borrowers that don't read fine-print, bank-rolling private banks and sending out "stimulus" checks, we are plummeting into a dark age of socialism in America. But despite all this, it's only a shift in ideology, Obama's anti-capitalist thinking, that can spell doom for a Liberal society.

Now, you all know how I feel about John McCain, but it's the American dream to have your own little real estate empire. For better or for worse, we're one of the only societies on the planet that incentivizes home ownership. And it should preclude me or anyone else from holding public office? Success is the American dream. And I refuse to support any candidate that tries to spin that into a negative.

Mr. Obama: Go after McCain's politics. Attack his energy policy. Hell, go after his tie. But leave my dream out of it.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Viral Marketing Campaign: Samsung Omnia

Samsung put together a fantastic viral ad for their new Omnia touch phone. It's meant to look like you're typical "unboxing" video commonly seen on gadget blogs. Us geeks love seeing video of someone getting their mitts on a new gadget we haven't seen in stores yet. But this time, it's got a bit of a twist.

[via Geekologie]

Monday, August 18, 2008

Blogosphere Brings The News Fast. Like, Before It Even Happens Fast

Peter Bart has an interesting Variety article about how the viral nature of the tubes makes it impossible for publicity, marketing and press people to do their jobs. Traditionally, press breaks only break after they've been "nitpicked" by lawyers, publicists, corporate bureaucrats, etc. But now, this news is just out there, sometimes before it even happens:
...when Paramount Vantage set about to make staff reductions two weeks ago, the people who were being fired heard the news before they were informed about it by their superiors. Similarly, Brad Pitt was able to read that he'd been cast in Quentin Tarantino's new movie, "Inglorious Bastards," before he could read a contract or deal memo. [Variety]
When you're dealing with a generation of underlings who were socialized on the Internet, there's simply no longer such thing as secrecy.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

John McCain and YouTube

Today's Washington Times article on John McCain and the Viral phenomenon surrounding his recent 'Celebrity' attacks is quite interesting. According to the article, the recent series of 'brutal yet entertaining' attack ads and the 'combination of wit and insult, has pushed his YouTube channel to the sixth most watched on the site this week.' And John McCain has beaten Barack Obama's channel for 'seven straight days and 11 of the past 14 days.'

This article theorizes that McCain is trying to court the YouTube vote. And goes on to characterize this as a 'giant reversal' since 'Obama had been quadrupling McCain's YouTube views and (was beating) him every day since February.'

The Drudge Report is also onto this theory and has titled the link to the article, 'McCain takes lead on YouTube hits.' Both parties see this as a good sign for McCain. BUT, all this harkens back our Viralroots argument/theory that knowing the true temperament of viewers is impossible. Right? Let's discuss, cause I'm not convinced this is a win for McCain.

Firstly, I don't always think all publicity is good publicity. There's the possiblity the ads could rub people the wrong way. And, regardless of the effect of the ads, its also not automatic that the the viewers are McCain supporters, ie. what if half the viewers are Obama fans who are pissed off, but want to see the ads? Does it even matter? Will online buzz even equate to votes? Time will tell.

But in my opinion, this stuff makes McCain look bad. His handlers have put him into a situation where he's associated him with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears attack ads and now...Paris Hilton's video has gone viral - and it attacks him back! This press can't be good for McCain. The message, whatever it was, is lost and the Viral-ness has taken over. Obama is virtually unaffected. And Paris Hilton is the real winner. Ya' know, cause she's so...hot. Uggg...

For some perspective with the statistics: Obama's YouTube channel still dominates, with 51 million all-time video views. McCain trails with 8.3 million views.
McCain's silver lining: He's garnered 4.1 million views this month compared with Obama's 2 million as of Wednesday evening.

(Washington Times Link)

Video: NYPD Cop Assaults Cyclist, Disciplined

As usual, I'm totally late to this story. But it's still worth sharing. The below footage is of an NYPD Cop intentionally and violently knocking over a bicyclist at a Critical Mass cycling event in New York. According to the NY Daily News, "Officer Patrick Pogan, 22, was placed on modified duty soon after the video of the Times Square incident appeared on YouTube." First off, it still blows my mind that there are 22 year-olds policing our streets and teaching our children. When I was 22, I was living on a friend's couch and huffing nitrous for lols. At any rate, these cyclists in New York are pretty ballsy, but they ain't got shit on the Crimanimalz here in LA riding bikes and rollerblading on the 405 during rush hour.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Scary City: New Mystery Web Series, With A Budget!

SCARY CITY is poised to be the next big viral webisode phenomenon. It's created by LONELYGIRL15 producer Yumiko Aoyagi and launches September 15th. And it's packing a $5.2 million budget. So here's my question: If we know it's fiction, do we care? Lonelygirl gathered steam because no one was really sure if it was real or not. The not-knowing seems to drive intrigue and viral distribution. At least that seems to be the case when it comes to these experimental long(er) form mystery webisodes and even alternate reality games. (Obviously this is less the case with short comedy clips.) Here's a brief description of the show from Variety:
The U.S. version of the story revolves around a haunted Los Angeles apartment complex and the missing 10-year-old daughter of an architect who battles the building's unseen evil forces. Tenants from all over the world get caught up in the global intrigue.

The Japanese version begins with a murder mystery that a Tokyo high school girl tries to solve.

Future versions of the mystery are planned for Korea, Israel, the U.K., France and Thailand, with the international casts involved in the globetrotting narrative.

Series will start with five episodes of 1½ to three minutes. Viewers will be able to email episodes of the show; installments will also be syndicated to sites such as Facebook, MySpace and YouTube.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Paris Hilton's Video Response to John McCain

In response to John McCain's celebrity Ad about Barack Obama, Paris Hilton has decided to fight back with her own lil' video about 'that wrinkly white haired guy.'

You know its an effed up world when John McCain and Paris Hilton have dueling Online political ads. Like...OMG, WTF. Check it:
See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Monday, August 4, 2008

John McCain's Confusion Level: High

The 24/7 press that surrounds our politics these days is fervently unrelenting. And when candidates get caught in awkward moments or candid speeches...all the world observes regardless of the size of the actual audience in the room. Check out the latest little clip to go Viral. John McCain in Panama City, Florida at a media event on Friday, appearing a little...well, uhm..uh... confused. Perhaps its a sign of his age? Its not egregious, like him singing about how he'd bomb Iran, but definitely funny enough to pass on. Check it:

Friday, August 1, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week: Ludacris Rap: Obama Is Here

Apparently, we have an angry reader. I've taken a look at our traffic logs and it seems that a commenter who was majorly pwned for using bad grammar has decided to flip it and rip on the Pulitzer-Prize-worthy work of Viralroots.com. Same IP address. Shittee becomes shitter. Interesting.
Anyway, I just wanted to remind all our readers of the insanely high standards to which Viralroots and the rest of the blogging community strive. Over the years, we've worked really hard to cite "sources", "license" content, report "facts", minimize "opinion" and conform to academic writing "standards". When we're not talking about how fucking hot Elizabeth Kucinich is, or prematurely declaring John McCain out of the race, we like to let our hair down and be a little silly. To remind you of the level of sophistication we're dealing with here, below please find Ludacris's new hit song about the awesomeness that is Barack Obama, our Viral Video Of The Week. Enjoy.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Barack Obama: Best Candidate Ever

Did you know that Barack Obama is waaayyy cooler and waaayyy more famous than Britney Spears and Paris Hilton combined? Seriously. He's the most famous celebrity in the world! Wherever he goes, people chant his name like he's a fucking Beatle. That's pretty sweet. You know how I know all this? From watching John McCain ads. Yup. McCain is now running Obama's campaign. And he's doing an awesome job. There's something in the end about how Obama wants to protect cute little baby seals and dolphins from offshore drilling and something about taxes, but i wasn't really paying attention.

Monday, July 28, 2008

The "W." Trailer

This trailer came out a day ago and should spread across the internets shortly. "W." is the next Oliver Stone movie and is based on the spectacular life of George Dubya Bush. Josh Brolin, most recently of No Country For Old Men fame, stars as Dubya.

Check it out:

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

T Boone Pickens Plan To Save Us From Foreign Oil

Over a year ago, I read a T. Boone Pickens interview in Playboy Magazine. He made an outrageous claim that $55/barrel oil was heading towards $100/barrel sooner than we could imagine. It sounded like crazy talk. But it made me nervous so the next day I bought up shares of a crude oil tracking ETF that trades under the ticker, OIL. Smartest thing I'd done in a while. Well, Pickens is now in the public eye with his Pickens Plan. His answer to end dependence on foreign oil by leveraging mostly domestic natural gas and solar power. Now, the thing about Boone is he's a business man. So you gotta assume his campaign is motivated by business. And he's one smart business man. If I remember correctly, he made an ill-conceived investment in ethanol but has since corrected course. I think it's worth keeping Pickens on your radar and hearing what he has to say. Check out his website and welcome video below:

Friday, July 18, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

Here's a Viral Video Of The Week for ya that puts things into perspective. It's NASA footage of the moon crossing Earth taken from 31 million miles away. It is truly remarkable. A helluva way to start your weekend. Enjoy.

Out Of Office Text

Like any webmaster (a term I apply loosely), I like to check my traffic statistics. See where readers are finding us. I noticed I get a lot of search engine traffic for the phrase, out of office text. Unfortunately for people search that phrase, they find their way to an old post titled 'Text Message Cheney Out Of Office'. If you've read that post, it is neither useful nor relevant to a searcher looking for what to say in an Out Of Office reply. And because I'm such a helpful kinda guy, I've decided to come up with some Out Of Office replies that might be useful.

1. Hi. I am currently out of the office and will be returning Monday. If the matter is urgent, I'll be checking my office voicemail occasionally. Sorry for any inconvenience, and have a fabulous day. -Peggy in HR

2. Due to heavy work volume, I am currently responding to emails twice daily. At noon and 4pm. If the matter is truly urgent and cannot wait, you may call me at 555-5555. Thank you for understanding and respecting this policy. It's effective, efficient and helps me serve you better. Have a great day. -Marlowe (with help from the fabulous Timothy Ferriss)

3. Jambo! I am on vacation at Sandals all inclusive resort with my hot babe! If you really need something, contact my bitch, Dwight Schrute. Ps, Dwight's gay! J/K LOL! Kisses, Michael Scott

Okay, the next one I use on mom all the time. it's really simple:

4. And then?

As you might imagine, this results in an infinite loop. My mother writes an email about her canasta game. The Out Of Office reply says, "And then?" At which point she replies about getting too much sun on Collins Ave. "And then?" Early bird special. "And Then?" and on and on and on.

And finally:

5. Hey. I'm dropping a deuce. I'll be back in a jiffy.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

New Jib Jab Video

In theory, this is supposed to be a blog and I'm supposed to update it from time to time. More specifically, it's helpful when my posts are on topic and keep you abreast of the latest in viral videos and media. Even more specifically, said posts best serve the reader if they pertain to how viral media is effecting the first presidential election of a mature internet age. All of that said, below is the latest Jib Jab video that's taking this series of tubes by storm. So, watch and enjoy, if you're so inclined. If not, scroll below it find a rant by yours truly.

A Rant.
by Philip Marlowe

People of the United States: Don't you know you are fucking dumb? Governments that buy banks are called socialist. Republicans that support opening our borders and offering amnesty to illegal immigrants are called hippies. Regulatory boards that lower interest rates to 2.25% are called fucking stupid. Don't you people know that the market dictates lending rates and when such equilibrium is undermined by the government, the result is diluted currency and consumer inflation? If your life savings is not currently under your mattress in Aussie dollars, god help you. Yesterday, I somehow found myself in conversations with four different people who closed out their Washington Mutual bank accounts. Four! Oh, and here's my point: I don't feel pity or sorrow for any of you piggies! I turn on the radio. I turn on the local news. And I hear stories about families having to choose between gassing up their SUVs or putting food on their table. I hear stories of people driving 30 miles to Mexico to gas their cars with Saudi drilled, American refined, Mexican subsidized, sub-standard fuel. And you're all fucking morons. If you live so above your means that a mere tremor in the price of goods sends you hurdling over the edge, you probably should have been aborted. And if you live that way and decided it was a good idea to start a family, have children, then you definitely should have been aborted. These are tough times. I get it. But part of being a grown-up requires anticipation and vigilance. I believe they call that "planning ahead". History has taught us time after time that, contrary to popular belief, there is not always joy in Mudville. Sometimes, jetliners crash into skyscrapers. Sometimes, Multinational corporations lie on income statements to shareholders. And the beat goes on. So in conclusion, if I see another fat piggie from Palmdale tell a hot Asian reporter that she had to buy gas instead of eggs this week, I'm gonna blow my brains out.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sling Is In The Air: Attack Ads

Get it? Sling? That's funny.

The John McCain camp busts out with two ads. One targeting Barack Obama as "Dr. No." (If you ask me, I'll take it. My parents always wanted their baby to be a doctor.) The "No" refering to Obama's energy policy which means "no" on offshore drilling, "no" on nuclear, etc. Clearly, a topic he'll need to come around on. (The fear amongst leftys of nuclear power is tantamount to tribal natives fearing a coke bottle.)

And ya can't attack Obama without talking about his flip-flop on public campaign funding. It's sorta remarkable how easy YouTube makes it to launch this sort of campaign. "Web ads," they call them. It seems like you can keep on cranking them out with less thought and quality control than what would be put into national and even local spots.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Cellphone Popcorn

Okay, I'm late to the game with this one, shoot me. This viral's been up for over a week. It's some dudes positioning cell phones in a square around unpopped popcorn. They dial the phones, they ring, and the popcorn starts popping. So what does a cellphone do to your brain? It's so interesting that this just hit the tipping point now. It's gone totally viral. I even heard about it on the radio yesterday. Yet according to Snopes some version of this urban legend has been around since 2000. What happened was this: Cardo Systems, a manufacturer of Bluetooth headsets, created these viral videos to promote sales, making the claim that their product "reduces power output by 99%." As a hypochondriac and conspiracy theorist, I consider this viral campaign marketing gold. Excuse me, I'm gonna go use a circle of 500 cellphones to create a Stargate.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Is It In Yet?


CNN: BREAKING NEWS: Hillary Clinton is willing to take the vice presidential slot on a Barack Obama presidential ticket, New York lawmakers tell CNN.

AP: Clinton says she's open to being Obama's VP

AP: AP tally: Obama effectively clinches nomination

POLITICO: Obama readies for nod while Clinton eyes exit

REUTERS: Clinton campaign says not conceding as race nears end

Oh and now, ladies and gentlemen, my bigoted mother-and-law:

Monday, June 2, 2008

Obama Wants The Gays

Is it offensive when I say, "the gays?" Stop me if it is. Anyway, I got an email this morning saying the the Obama campaign has asked various grassroots Obama groups for their support at the big annual West Hollywood gay pride parade here in Los Angeles. The Obama camp is no doubt nervous that Hillary Clinton's haircut is clearly more gay friendly. Seriously guys, stop me if this offensive. I just love how candidates work to fabricate photo ops, etc. And don't get me wrong, I totally get it. LA is a national trend setter. If the gays in Ohio see the gays in LA supporting Obama, so too will they. Seriously, stop me. Even if this is just boring, stop me. An excerpt from the email:
The Need:
We would like to invite 250 energetic, motivated, diverse Obama supporters who would like to help Obama with Pride/LGBT visibility at the LA-West Hollywood/CSW Pride Parade

Monday, May 19, 2008

John McCain Double Talky

Let me first state that I generally like McCain. He's the son and grandson of four star Navy Admirals (kinda cool) and is himself a Vietnam vet that was locked up and beaten for like 5 years (not cool) on behalf of me and my country (His injuries left him permanently incapable of raising his arms above his head apparently...I mean..wow, that is some serious shit), so no matter what he says or does I'll still respect and admire part of him.

But alas... inevitably there are positives (campaign finance reform) and negatives (Keating Five) to everyone and we must be sure to evaluate ALL the aspects of our Presidential candidates. Thus, I feel obligated to post this clip of McCain blatantly contradicting himself on multiple issues, multiple times A) cause its part of learning about him as an informed voter and B) cause I think its funny when people get called out on shit they say. I mean, hey, if someone followed me around with a camera 24/7, I'd look like an idiot every once in awhile too.

So.. enjoy the clip brought to you by The Real McCain - they claim to have garnered nearly 2 million views with their videos, which, I guess I believe since this video which is only 2 days old and has already clocked 700,000 views. Check it out:

*Side note: I don't hold it against McCain that his middle name is Sidney or that he wasn't actually born in the United States (answer: Panama, August 29th, 1936).

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Hillary Clinton on SNL...sorta

The interweb's tube-matrix of magic is the broadcaster to the world and we all get to benefit from its coverage. So, if any of you political junkies out there are like me and continually miss SNL (partially cause its not that funny anymore - side note: don't we all yearn for the bygone eras of Farley/Belushi/Martin ... Hartman/Sandler/Ferrell etc. - and partially cause we have weekend lives), here's the sketch on Hillary Clinton that everyone's talking about. Its quite daft, in a good way. Check it:

I love how SNL just calls HRC out. ha.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Witty, right?
That's basically all I got. Oh, I have an Ambien hangover too, but that's it.

Friday, May 2, 2008

The Empire Strikes Barack

This is sweet. Star Wars meets the 2008 Democratic Primary Election. Barack and Hillary, Skywalker and Vader. It was created a few months ago but only recently is beginning to get some visibility. This abnormally long, 15 month campaign apparently offers people enough time and material to create hybrid movies about the election. Ha. Its a little insane, the duration of the campaigning, but this video is a cool byproduct of it all. Views have quintupled in the last 2 days and rightfully so...check it out:

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Hillary is soooo just like us!

Um, I can't help it, I'm posting the clip of Hillary attempting to get herself a cup of coffee. It's kinda awesome.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Addicted to Scrabulous

Yes. I've succumbed. That's where I've been. Scrabble on Facebook. It's amazing and all-consuming. I'm entering rehab and will hopefully be back to blogging by the time John McCain is president. Talk soon.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Viral Video of The Week err make that Month

This is what Viral Marketing is made of. The above video is amateur camcorder footage of Kobe Bryant Jumping over a speeding Aston Martin. It's obviously not real, but a really smart marketing campaign by Nike for a new shoe. And my boy Ronny Turiaf is in it for added effect. A quick search of the net yields a bevy of reactions. Some calling the campaign breakthrough and genius. Others saying the video is stupid. And some calling it irresponsible because of how dangerous the stunt is. Well, I think it's awesome. It's a perfectly crafted short that starts with two pro athletes on the roof of a building, arguing over whether Kobe is going to get hurt. He then starts throwing his new Nikes on as he talks to the camera. In such a short time, they build a nice bit of anticipation and then they slam right into the great looking "stunt." Hands down, the best viral marketing video in a while. Check it out.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

McCain is Mean

According to the forthcoming book 'The Real McCain' by Cliff Schecter, while out on the campaign trail, good ol' Johnny McCain called his wife Cindy a (C)ute and (U)nusually (N)aive (T)art. But you know...without using the word Tart.

I'd pay 5 bucks for audio of this one, but unfortunately its not available, so this little clip on the story will have to suffice - it includes the full quote. But, don't worry you Maverick McCain fans out there, at least this stays in line with his mantra...you know, he rides the 'straight talk express' and...well, it doesn't get much straighter than this outburst. ha.

Trollop: (Noun)
1. an immoral or promiscuous woman, esp. a prostitute.
2. an untidy or slovenly woman; slattern

Fine, yes, this was a Senatorial campaign years ago, but still, its an awesomely funny anecdote.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Red Phone is new Obama Girl

Hillary Clinton has released a new Red Phone video, this time going after John McCain for his policy of not wanting the government to bail out individuals who made poor personal investment choices. Does anyone else find it ironic that Hillary Clinton is hearkening back to anti-communist cold war imagery to promote her commitment to socialism? I mean I get it, the government shouldn't have promoted low income home ownership in the first place and you can't unring a bell and people will be stupid and greedy and buy things they can't afford nor understand and the government helped create this mess and should maybe help clean it up and yada yada yada... But if Hillary was president during the Enron implosion, would she have proposed bailing out individuals who put all their eggs in the Enron basket? I dunno. Sometimes I think things.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Hillary Clinton Remembers Bosnia

Hey remember that time that Bosnia was like completely wartorn? They were like totally messed up. Major shitfest. Amd Hillary Clinton was like the First Lady and she was all about the world and helping people and shit so she got on a crappy little plane and she flew to Bosnia to touch Indians and shit and it was like totally fucked cuz she landed in the middle of the war and had to like dodge sniper fire and basically run for her life and she was almost killed and it totally blew. Oh wait. My bad. that never actually happened. Not Bosnia, she went there. But when she got off the plane. It was all chill and she kissed babies and then she watched Cheryl Crowe rock out and eat EZ'Mac and stuff. Ya, here, take a look. It's on video:

Friday, March 21, 2008

2007 YouTube Video Awards

When I picture all the aspiring filmmakers in all the world, first I picture like a billion people. Like, almost as many as the aspiring bloggers. And then, I picture all of their films. And again, there's like a billion of them. And let's say 10,000 of them end up on YouTube. And then, I picture a world where, of these thousands of short films, the very best one of the year is the Alzheimer's short. And finally, my brain explodes all over my desk.

And that concludes my coverage of the "Short Film" category.

Of the other 2007 YouTube Video Awards winners, I'm strangely a huge fan of the Laughing Baby. He tops the "Adorable" category.

From now on, when I say "we", I'm referring to the America's Funniest Home Video Generation.

I've invented a new category for the YouTube Video Awards. It's called "Best YouTube Prophet". The winner is Pastor James David Manning of the ATLAH Ministries. Below, he speaks affectionately of Barack Obama. And when I say affectionately, I mean not affectionately.

Sometimes, I underwhelm myself. And in conjunction with all the quaintness of the 2007 YouTube Video Awards, it's nap time.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

SHOCKER: Web 2.0 Isn't Relevant for the Masses

I thought this was sorta obvious by now since Ron Paul is clearly not going to be our next president. But anyway, Charlene Li says "Web 2.0 Isn't relevant for the vast majority of people." There's so much focus in social networking on games and little cutesy apps and not a lot on ways of making and saving money. For most people, especially older people, there's no practical reason to go on Facebook. Hell, I'm in my twenties and I don't really understand Facebook. That might have more to do with the fact that I hate people, but still.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Why Nobody Actually Gives A Shit About Jeremiah Wright

Last night, Marlowe Senior and I had an interesting discussion about Jeremiah Wright. He was saying that Barack Obama could always denounce and live down the false rumors of antisemitism and antiwhiteyism, but now that video of Jeremiah Wright has hit the mainstream media, the message and the visuals are too visceral to ever shake. I respectfully disagreed. And this is all moot because, as you all know, I think McCain will ultimately win, but it's worth talking about. The next time you have 45 minutes to have your mind blown, I suggest you watch FRONTLINE: Karl Rove - The Architect. It's amazing. And it explains the notion of THE BASE really well. And them godless Democrats have no Base. Obama doesn't have a Base. Neither does Hillary. All that said, McCain really doesn't either unless you count the Vets, but we'll talk about that when the Primaries are done. The point is, the Democrats have made it pretty clear that this is just a pissing contest. Whoever fills up a gallon jug labeled "change" first wins. Ideology need not apply. It's useful, but unnecessary. And let's not forget that at the end of the day we're still talking about Liberals. Liberals love the Palestinians. Liberals love Black plight. And Liberals will ultimately let Obama live down any connection to the lunatic featured in the below videos. So, here's Reverend Jeremiah Wright screaming about white America, Barack Obama as an underprivileged child, AmeriKKK (get it?), and evil Israel. Get it while it's hot, because in three weeks from now, I highly doubt anyone will recall Obama having an affiliation with this man.

Thursday, March 13, 2008



Saturday, March 1, 2008

Red Phone Wars Starring Hillary Clinton And Barack Obama







Friday, February 29, 2008

Poll Position

It's a pun. Get it?

So, we're four days away from the Texas Primaries. And Texas is clearly one big bad banana. The polls are close but Obama is showing a sli-- oh, fuck it. After Tuesday, there's still 750 delegates to go. And Texas is just half of the total up for grab on Tuesday, which is about 440. Sure, it's a big number. The biggest left. But from what I'm reading about Texas's oddball dual primary/caucus system, it's not even worth the effort. Here's how it works: You simply multiply the number of voters in a district's previous election by the current number of voters who show up by dawn carrying campaign signs and pitchforks, then add total sheep farms, subtract illegal border crossings, then carry the 1. And presto: number of delegates awarded. Simple, right? (If you think you can do a better job explaining it, then be my guest.) So anyway, ya, Barack Obama shows a slight lead in Texas over Hillary Clinton in several polls, which may or may not effect who gets the nomination, so fucking what. Can either of them beat General Jack D. Ripper? Well, the answer is maybe. If and only if Ron Paul runs on a third party ticket, earning the vote of actual Republicans who find General Ripper (meaning John McCain for those of you in the cheap seats. Ya, you. Watch a movie in black and white every once in a while.) just as abhorrent and liberal as a woman or black man, thereby inadvertently electing said woman or black man. (See Clinton/Bush/Perot 2000 for less hacky explanation.) Okay. Now that we actually had a serious conversation about politics, let's take a look at shitty campaign ads with our buddy James Kotecki for the Politico.com

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Viral Video: Sequencing With Windows Sounds

It's so weird. I write all this bullshit about election politics and get all worked up and whatnot but then I remember that I hate politics and that we have other categories that are way cooler like "Viral Video." Well, here's a really cool video that's been around for a few weeks. This guy loaded all the default MS Windows sounds into a music sequencer. You know, all those annoying chirps and beeps? Well he turned them into music and it sounds awesome. It's way cooler than that Barack Obama Yes We Can bullshit video that sounds like an echo chamber, that's for sure. Check it out:

Monday, February 25, 2008

Ralph Nader Is Running For President

And he's an antisemite. That is all.

Friday, February 22, 2008


I've been out of town dealing with personal stuff. I'm back and am getting caught up. Hopefully by the end of today I'll be back into the swing of things and will be able to put up some dumb remarks and a little viral video of the week catch up. Thanks guys. -Marlowe

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

CNN: Obama Wins Virginia, Based On Absolutely Nothing

I'd just like to reinforce a point I made earlier. No good can possibly come from reporting a victory with zero percent of precincts reporting. Don't they remember Florida?

Friday, February 8, 2008

Super Confused

I haven't written since Super Tuesday. It's mostly because I'm super confused. The Republicans are easy. I continue to look dumb for my anti McCain tirades, but easy nonetheless. It's just the Democrats. Obama claims he won Super Tuesday. Clinton claims she won Super Tuesday. Headlines range from "Not-So-Super Tuesday" to "Who Won Super Tuesday" to "CNN Won Super Tuesday." WTF? NBC news is saying that Obama won by a measly two delegates, which would change nothing. CNN is reporting that Clinton won Super Tuesday by 23 delegates, larger margin but also relatively insignificant. And it gets wackier when you look at the overall numbers. MSNBC is giving Obama 861 delegates and Clinton 855. CNN is giving Clinton 1,033 and Obama 937, but it's asterisked to include pledged delegates and super delegates. Remind me again what the point of primaries are? Oh and the icing on the cake, shouldn't go without saying that declaring victors with 2% of precincts reporting is completely irresponsible? Frankly, I'm tired of sifting through the gobbledygook. Nor do I have the time.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Feeling Super?

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday and everyone and their mother will be covering it. I'm only interested in one thing. What is more accurate? Traditional polling or Internet polling? Nationally, Real Clear Politics is showing poll averages with Hillary Clinton 2.5 points ahead (statistically insignificantly) and McCain 18.3 points ahead. This is clearly vastly different than the Internet support we've been covering over the past year. On YouTube, Barack Obama still outnumbers Hillary Clinton in subscribers by greater than 2 to 1. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney also outnumbers McCain by 2 to 1. And, of course, Ron Paul still outnumbers everyone combined. Oh, and then there's MySpace where Obama outnumbers Clinton in friends by 5 to 1. Well, here are my thoughts: The Internet just isn't what it's cracked up to be. Clinton is more of a white male than Obama, only the kook fringe uses YouTube and only kids under voting age use MySpace. My Solution? Presidential Primaries should be like American Idol. You vote from your cell phone and you can vote as many times as you want. See that? I just fixed America. I can has cookie?

But seriously, folks. I'm really excited to see how tomorrow turns out. No matter what happens, history will be made for both parties. The Democrats will have given the nomination for the first time in history to either a woman or an African Americn. And the Republicans will have given their nomination for the first time ever to either a Mormon or Dr. Strangelove. (Wow, I can't believe I had enough self-control to skip the Sammy Davis Jr. joke.) Until tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I eat crow.

Alright, I'm finally ready to apologize to John McCain for kicking him out of the presidential race all that time ago. (See my John McCain Retrospective.) So, Mr. McCain. I'm sorry. You were right, and I was wrong. When I said that thing about 'Nam vets not knowing the meaning of "exit strategy," well, I guess I was right about that. But I was wrong in that it actually paid off for you. Also, I'm sorry for saying that your only future is NASCAR commercials. Oh, and I'm sorry for saying that thing about how watching your YouTube videos makes people dumber. And for calling you John "I-lived-in-a-cage-but-now-crack-bad-jokes" McCain. Ya. Especially sorry for that last thing. That wasn't nice. And I'm not just saying this because you're gonna be the next president since you're the only white male left in the race. I genuinely mean it. Sorry. Okay. I feel better now.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

How To Get Your Hick Town On Drudge

Sometimes, a snarky post title is all the commentary required. The rest of the work is already done for me:

Brattleboro residents will vote at town meeting on whether President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney should be indicted and arrested for war crimes, perjury or obstruction of justice if they ever step foot in Vermont.
Continue: Brattleboro to vote on arresting Bush, Cheney

I'm sure our favorite reader Mary will have something to say about this.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Breaking: Elizabeth Kucinich Drops Out Of Presidential Race

This just in. Elizabeth Kucinich has dropped her bid for president. As disheartening as this may be, it should free up her schedule for Maxim and Details. I'm looking forward to her in a bikini doing 20Qs.

The story via Reuters.

John Kerry: Your identity has been stolen.

Okay, this is really low. The folks at the Barack Obama camp have sent out an email pretending to be John Kerry. Shock and awe, I tell you! Look at the image below. You can clearly see that the name in the FROM line is "John Kerry" but the email address says "info@barackobama.com". They're not even trying to bullshit us anymore. How hard would it have been to at least make a new email address. You know, something as simple as "johnkerry@barackobama.com". I definitely would have fallen for that. But this? This is almost criminal. Oh well. I guess it doesn't really matter. I mean, who would read an email from John Kerry anyway?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

John McCain: The Age Factor

It's not currently a headline story like Barack Obama's skin color or Hillary Clinton's gender, but I contend that John McCain's age is going to come to the forefront of the debates soon. I've been thinking about it for awhile, but held off on writing about this, cause... well, I thought McCain was going to go away. But alas, it seems like our favorite veteran is here to stay - to the dismay of Huckabee, Romney and Guiliani (now, he may be gone soon).

In my humble opinion, paramount to the discussion of an individual candidate's ability to run the White House, should be the question of whether or not he or she can actually endure this undeniably and incredibly stressful job of running the country. I'll refrain from making jokes about senior citizens and the deterioration of one's body, but I think I raise a valid question. And while I want to put this as respectfully and delicately as possible, I also want to cut to the chase: Would John McCain actually live through 4 to 8 years of serving in the White House?

McCain was born August 29th, 1936 - which puts him at the slight ol' age of 71. (Life expectancy is right around 78 here in the US.) To be clear on this...I certainly hope that McCain lives a long and healthy life, BUT I can't help wonder if his body will hold up. What if a Ronald Reagan-esqe situation occurs? -There was considerable speculation over whether he had demonstrated symptoms of mental degeneration (Alzheimer's disease) while still in office. What if McCain's physical body begins to deteriorate and he needs an organ transplant? (This is not so absurd a notion) Does anyone else worry about this? Am I crazy for thinking that this should be a consideration?

As a point of reference, the other candidates ages are as follows: Guiliani 64, Romney 61, Clinton 61, Edwards 55, Huckabee 53, Obama 47.

And, just for sport...the year McCain was born (1936), other notable events that occurred were:

March 1- Hoover Dam completed

March 7- Germany violates Treaty of Versailles and occupies the Rhineland

June 30 - Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone with the Wind is first published

August 1 - Summer Olympics open in Berlin, Germany, and mark the first live television coverage of a sports event in world history

November 3 - Franklin D. Roosevelt is reelected to a second term

Fred Thompson Campaign: R.I.P.

Thompson's campaign was like a comet, it burned bright, it burned fast and it was gone in a flash. Well, maybe it didn't burn that bright...but its now definitely gone.

I don't think I have the patience to thoroughly evaluate his campaign's highlights, not that there were many, but I would like to note the loss of another fantastic spouse. We'll miss you Jeri!

Thompson in general, failed to gain enough momentum within the crowded GOP field and the loss in South Carolina sounded his death knell. Attempting to play the role of the Southern conservative, yet only able to round up 16% of the votes in South Carolina, meant the end to our favorite Actor-turned-policitian's campaign. (And by 'favorite' I mean, you know...behind Ronald Reagan, Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger, Jesse 'The Body' Ventura and George Clooney.)

You can read more on the news of Fred Thompson's demise here or here.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Viral Video Of The Week

Okay, you know I've maintained a policy of not using news clips for Viral Video Of The Week, but "Romney in Heated Exchange with AP Reporter" is just too good. Glen Johnson clearly doesn't come across as the most professional or controlled reporter, but that doesn't change the fact that Mitt Romney comes across as slime. Super slime. The slimiest. In the below video, Mitt Romney eloquently explains the fundamental difference between lobbyists running his campaign and lobbyists just being senior advisers. See, if they "ran" his campaign, that would be bad. But senior advisers are okay. ya dig?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Republicans Have All The Fun

Does anyone else agree? The boring old party is proving quite the pony race. I'm sick and tired of watching three Democrats argue over who cares more about America, who can "help" more, who can "deliver more change". My favorite quote from last night's Democratic debate courtesy Hillary Clinton:
So I have tried to create opportunities, both on an individual basis, intervening to help people who have no where else to turn, to be their champion. And then to make those changes. And I think I can deliver change. I think I understand how to make it possible for more people to live up to their God-given potential.

I get impatient. I get, you know, really frustrated when people don’t seem to understand that we can do so much more to help each other. Sometimes I come across that way. I admit that. I get very concerned about, you know, pushing further and faster than perhaps people are ready to go.
I challenge anyone to use more words to say less. Hillary Clinton reigns supreme over the art of talking without saying a goddamn thing.

Meanwhile, by some bizarre twist of fate, the Republican pool is starting to look like an Aryan Ocean's Eleven. There's the smooth talker in Romney. The evangelical, Huckabee. The commander, McCain. The movie star, Thompson. The liberal, Giuliani. The freewheelin' Paul. And it's anyone's game. We had thought Huckabee gets the evangelical vote. Well, last night Romney did, according to exit polls. So far each front runner has either had a first place finish or is projected to have one soon. Even Rudy. It's the more interesting race. And it's going to require boatloads of creativity. Ya, I mean trumping Chuck Norris. How? With Charles Logan. Ok, Republicans: Who has the balls to start that smear campaign?

Oh, and this is worth the read: Tin Foil Hat Alert: Paypal Messes With Ron Paul Campaign

Monday, January 14, 2008

Ron Paul, Bigot or Victim?

One of the age old questions posed to Libertarians and ACLUers alike is, do you let nazi's march in front of the courthouse? If you answer yes, you're a bigot. If you answer no, you're a fascist. Lose-lose. So while that question is hypothetical and often rhetorical, I ask one that requires answers: Is Ron Paul an evil bigot, or has he merely fallen on the wrong side of the above question? Seriously. I want your thoughts and links. Because honestly, I don't know what to think. The Daily Paul has come out saying that Paul is merely a victim of smear tactics as corroborated by Austin NAACP President Nelson Linder. Below is a fun little poll put together by Pajamas Media that let's Ron Paul speak for himself. And he sounds like a racist. I look forward to your comments.

Poll Answers

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Inevitable: Long Fight For Clinton And Obama

How's this for a headline:
Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama dug in Wednesday for a campaign unlike any other, a woman and a black man drawing record voter turnout in an unpredictable race for the Democratic presidential nomination.[AP via Yahoo]

That just about sums it up. One thing is certain. The agenda of the next American President will be the agenda of America. Finally, things have gotten interesting.

And now just for lols, a picture of John McCain's fairly hot, very disney channel, daughter: