Friday, July 18, 2008

Out Of Office Text

Like any webmaster (a term I apply loosely), I like to check my traffic statistics. See where readers are finding us. I noticed I get a lot of search engine traffic for the phrase, out of office text. Unfortunately for people search that phrase, they find their way to an old post titled 'Text Message Cheney Out Of Office'. If you've read that post, it is neither useful nor relevant to a searcher looking for what to say in an Out Of Office reply. And because I'm such a helpful kinda guy, I've decided to come up with some Out Of Office replies that might be useful.

1. Hi. I am currently out of the office and will be returning Monday. If the matter is urgent, I'll be checking my office voicemail occasionally. Sorry for any inconvenience, and have a fabulous day. -Peggy in HR

2. Due to heavy work volume, I am currently responding to emails twice daily. At noon and 4pm. If the matter is truly urgent and cannot wait, you may call me at 555-5555. Thank you for understanding and respecting this policy. It's effective, efficient and helps me serve you better. Have a great day. -Marlowe (with help from the fabulous Timothy Ferriss)

3. Jambo! I am on vacation at Sandals all inclusive resort with my hot babe! If you really need something, contact my bitch, Dwight Schrute. Ps, Dwight's gay! J/K LOL! Kisses, Michael Scott

Okay, the next one I use on mom all the time. it's really simple:

4. And then?

As you might imagine, this results in an infinite loop. My mother writes an email about her canasta game. The Out Of Office reply says, "And then?" At which point she replies about getting too much sun on Collins Ave. "And then?" Early bird special. "And Then?" and on and on and on.

And finally:

5. Hey. I'm dropping a deuce. I'll be back in a jiffy.

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