CNN Hologram Almost Star Wars Cool

Help me, Wolf Blitzer, you're my only hope!

Who knows how long this video will be up for, but it's sorta sweet. CNN has unveiled this hologram technology that projects 3D renderings of remote correspondents into the studio. It's like, the future, or something.

Black Panthers Guard Polling Place

Ahh, it's just like election day in Sierra Leone. Good times.

Find Your Polling Place With Google Maps

It's election day. Do you know where your polling place is? Let Google tell you with this handy little maplet.

CNN will be live for the next twenty plus hours. It's like Gulf War 1 all over again.

We're taking a survey. What do you think we should do with this blog after the election is over?

We've made it pretty clear that we don't particularly like either candidate. But we do like gambling. And intrade.com says that the money is on Barack Obama. Money talks, and the money is giving Obama 347 electoral votes and McCain 191 electoral votes.

I'm watching CNN right now. Was that Dave Chappelle on stage with Joe biden? It sorta looked like him.

If you vote in California and you like other people telling you how to vote, here's he official Viralroots Voting Guide:

STATE MEASURES
1A. No
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No
9. No
10. No
11. Yes
12. No

May the best man win. And if he doesn't, please, try not to resort to violence.

This is Philip Marlowe, signing off.

Viral Video Of The Week

Sorry for not posting in a while, but I've basically spent the past two weeks searching endlessly for this video. It's so sad, yet I can't stop watching. Skip to about 2:30 in to see this poor girl take the fall of a lifetime. Oy.

At Least We Have Sarah Palin

Another day, another 360 points down the poop shoot. At least there's Tina Fey and her impression of that Ice Road gremlin to keep up smiling. PS, I just heard a guy on CNN say, not playing the stock market is pretty sound advice.

Viral Video Of The Week

Duh, Homer Simpson Tries To Vote For Obama.

Below is a rant. And not even a good one. So if that doesn't float your boat, just watch the Simpsons video and move on.

I've been an absent leader this week. I just recently discovered that I have a day job. So I'm gonna make up for it by just saying a bunch of random shit right now.

Firstly, everyone is insane.

I love that Sarah Palin won last night's debate simply because she survived. I'm sick and tired of feminists bitching about glass ceilings, but god forbid Joe Biden raise his voice to a girl.

Anyone who can even pretend that Palin is ready for DC or adds something to the ticket is entirely delusional. It's not even a discussion. It's simple physics. There's not an industry in the world that would hire someone this unprepared to be their CEO's backup. Arguing otherwise is like saying you can flap your arms and fly to the moon.

By the way, if I ever found myself having a conversation with someone that speaks and gestures and behaves the way she does, I'd probably blow my brains out. Could you imagine asking someone questions that consistently either answers different questions or doesn't answer at all? If she's VP, there might be heads of state slitting their wrists in meetings.

Maybe I'm an asshole because I'm from a big city, but it seriously blows my mind that anyone of this personality type can tie their shoes, yet alone make it into the public spotlight. I've only seen people like this in the movie FARGO and on the show Ice Road Truckers. God help these people.

I could just keep on posting links to the Katie Couric interview etc, but PETA says I can no longer beat dead horses.

Senator McCain: Congratulations, you blew it. And I wait with baited breath for you to "make famous" those responsible for the billions of dollars in pork attached to this bailout bill that you voted for. At least you were neither "absent" nor "present" this time.

I could go into our downward spiral towards socialism and rip into Obama and talk about how Schwarzenegger threw us Californians under the bus, but this has been exhausting. I'll save all that for another time.

BANKING HOLIDAY

I should probably be busy in the lab writing amazingly witty blog posts and honing my comic stylings, but I opted for jumping out my second story window instead. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea. When I decided to jump, the DOW was down 700 points. But as I lay in the bushes, I can hear the radio from upstairs and it seems the DOW has recovered and is only down 563 points now. Drat. I always jump the gun. In the meantime watch this "shocking video unearthed" of Democrats being dumb and inter-titles made by a ten-year-old. Okay nevermind down 748. And they keep blaming the Jews!

Sarah Palin Swimsuit Beauty Pageant Video

CORRECTION

Ignore the below Viral Video Of The Week. It's crude and I apologize. My Bubbie already called and said she fell out of her chair when she saw it. Shame on me. Rather, enjoy the sensual curves of Sarah Palin in a one-piece sweatin it to the 80s. And when I say sensual curves, I mean dumpy ass. What's next? John McCain hosting a 1992 wet t-shirt competition in Ft. Lauderdale? No wonder my people love him down there.

Viral Video Of The Week

For the record, I just wanna say that I'm by no means proud of posting this video. That is all.

Top 5 Hurricane Ike Clips

There's sorta nothing funnier than reporters facing certain death in the name of responsible journalism. Here are some of the highlights from hurricane Ike live coverage.

1. Geraldo Rivera takes a nasty fall into raw sewage. He even says he's "gonna be the star of YouTube now."

2. Weather Channel reporter blown away by huge gust, keeps reporting.


3. Drunken Dancing Chicken Wastes Anderson Cooper's Flavor.


4. Reporter broadcasts from inside giant swells.


5. (Not hurricane Ike but too funny to not post) Female Weather Channel reporter gets blown into a truck screaming.

Happy Monday!

Viral Video Of The Week

Here at viralroots.com, our top secret proprietary algorithm crunches away 24/7 so that on a fairly regular basis, we can bring you the Viral Video Of The Week. And the algorithm is never wrong. Sometimes it feels wrong when the the Viral Video Of The Week happens to be Ninja Cat, but I assure you, it's not. Don't blame the algorithm. Blame the tubes. Kisses. Marlowe.

Hilarious Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt

I know our readers aren't exactly the sharpest in the tubes. In fact, when I was showed this I was told it was pro Palin. Well, clearly it's not. You see, once upon a time, a movie came out called JUNO. And JUNO was about a teenage girl having an unplanned pregnancy. She chose to keep the baby. And then, a gal no one heard of named Sarah Palin won the Republican vice presidential nomination. And it just so happens that she has a pregnant teenage daughter. Just like Juno. Hence the T-Shirt. Get it? [Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt]

MORE ANTI SARAH PALIN T-SHIRTS

New Barack Obama is Boring

What happened to Obama the celebrity? Because Obama the politician is boooorrrriiinngg. He needs to stay on message. Meaning, talk about change, not about what change is. The devil truly is in the details. Make me believe you'll make things better. Don't tell me how. Another $1000 in stimulus? Please! If a thousand dollars could change my life, I'd make a deposit at the sperm bank. And Wall Street regulation? Snooze! Crack down on lobbyists? I don't actually think the average American can tell me what a lobbyist is. And as a private detective/c-list blogger who does know what a lobbyist is, I really don't think a crack down will effect the way I live. I really prefer Obama acting all schticky and cutesy like he did on Letterman.

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on SNL...sorta

Watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on last night's season premier of Saturday Night Live. The two women address sexism in the campaigns. Its hilarious...check it: