Poll Position

It's a pun. Get it?

So, we're four days away from the Texas Primaries. And Texas is clearly one big bad banana. The polls are close but Obama is showing a sli-- oh, fuck it. After Tuesday, there's still 750 delegates to go. And Texas is just half of the total up for grab on Tuesday, which is about 440. Sure, it's a big number. The biggest left. But from what I'm reading about Texas's oddball dual primary/caucus system, it's not even worth the effort. Here's how it works: You simply multiply the number of voters in a district's previous election by the current number of voters who show up by dawn carrying campaign signs and pitchforks, then add total sheep farms, subtract illegal border crossings, then carry the 1. And presto: number of delegates awarded. Simple, right? (If you think you can do a better job explaining it, then be my guest.) So anyway, ya, Barack Obama shows a slight lead in Texas over Hillary Clinton in several polls, which may or may not effect who gets the nomination, so fucking what. Can either of them beat General Jack D. Ripper? Well, the answer is maybe. If and only if Ron Paul runs on a third party ticket, earning the vote of actual Republicans who find General Ripper (meaning John McCain for those of you in the cheap seats. Ya, you. Watch a movie in black and white every once in a while.) just as abhorrent and liberal as a woman or black man, thereby inadvertently electing said woman or black man. (See Clinton/Bush/Perot 2000 for less hacky explanation.) Okay. Now that we actually had a serious conversation about politics, let's take a look at shitty campaign ads with our buddy James Kotecki for the Politico.com