An Open Letter To Mitt Romney

As we discussed previously, Mitt Romney is really putting himself at a disadvantage by not committing to the CNN-YouTube Republican Debate. And I kind of feel it's our communal responsibility to sell him on it. God bless James Kotecki for trying to appeal to Romney emotionally and sentimentally. But I prefer writing open letters. Like the one I wrote to Ron Paul.


Dear Mr. Romney,

Congratulations on the success of your campaign. You've won the Iowa Straw Poll and you're ahead of the pack on YouTube along with Dr. Paul. You're award winning smile was featured on the cover of TIME MAGAZINE where you looked like a President of the people.

It is for these reasons that I am confused by your decision to deny the people a chance to engage you on the CNN-YouTube Republican Debate. This is no doubt a great opportunity for you to connect with young people across party lines in a venue that will be witnessed by all walks of Americans. It's a chance to show off your charm, witt and ability to think fast when thrown curve balls. All necessary skills of a great President. No doubt, if such a format existed when George W. Bush was running for President, he would be spending his days as an elephant shaver in the circus instead of as an elephant shaver in the White House.

You see, there's this notion of the Digital Divide. But that's bullshit. It's a myth perpetrated by the hippies. There is no divide. Nothing on this planet is exempt or immune or unexposed to the effect of the digital domain. You see, Mr. Romney, you are an old man that thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic System of systems. One vast and inane, inter-made, interwoven, interacting, multi-varied, multinational series of tubes. It is the international System of the Internet that determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today. And if you meddle with the primal forces of the Internet, you're campaign will fail. Am I getting through to you, Mr. Romney? Because in this world, there is no version of this debate being optional. Just as there's no version of election day being optional. The revolution will be viralized, Mr. Romney. And not even you can stop it.

Warmest Regards,

Philip Marlowe
Private Detective/C-List Blogger