Barack Obama: Best Candidate Ever

Did you know that Barack Obama is waaayyy cooler and waaayyy more famous than Britney Spears and Paris Hilton combined? Seriously. He's the most famous celebrity in the world! Wherever he goes, people chant his name like he's a fucking Beatle. That's pretty sweet. You know how I know all this? From watching John McCain ads. Yup. McCain is now running Obama's campaign. And he's doing an awesome job. There's something in the end about how Obama wants to protect cute little baby seals and dolphins from offshore drilling and something about taxes, but i wasn't really paying attention.

The "W." Trailer

This trailer came out a day ago and should spread across the internets shortly. "W." is the next Oliver Stone movie and is based on the spectacular life of George Dubya Bush. Josh Brolin, most recently of No Country For Old Men fame, stars as Dubya.

Check it out:

T Boone Pickens Plan To Save Us From Foreign Oil

Over a year ago, I read a T. Boone Pickens interview in Playboy Magazine. He made an outrageous claim that $55/barrel oil was heading towards $100/barrel sooner than we could imagine. It sounded like crazy talk. But it made me nervous so the next day I bought up shares of a crude oil tracking ETF that trades under the ticker, OIL. Smartest thing I'd done in a while. Well, Pickens is now in the public eye with his Pickens Plan. His answer to end dependence on foreign oil by leveraging mostly domestic natural gas and solar power. Now, the thing about Boone is he's a business man. So you gotta assume his campaign is motivated by business. And he's one smart business man. If I remember correctly, he made an ill-conceived investment in ethanol but has since corrected course. I think it's worth keeping Pickens on your radar and hearing what he has to say. Check out his website and welcome video below:

Viral Video Of The Week

Here's a Viral Video Of The Week for ya that puts things into perspective. It's NASA footage of the moon crossing Earth taken from 31 million miles away. It is truly remarkable. A helluva way to start your weekend. Enjoy.

Out Of Office Text

Like any webmaster (a term I apply loosely), I like to check my traffic statistics. See where readers are finding us. I noticed I get a lot of search engine traffic for the phrase, out of office text. Unfortunately for people search that phrase, they find their way to an old post titled 'Text Message Cheney Out Of Office'. If you've read that post, it is neither useful nor relevant to a searcher looking for what to say in an Out Of Office reply. And because I'm such a helpful kinda guy, I've decided to come up with some Out Of Office replies that might be useful.

1. Hi. I am currently out of the office and will be returning Monday. If the matter is urgent, I'll be checking my office voicemail occasionally. Sorry for any inconvenience, and have a fabulous day. -Peggy in HR

2. Due to heavy work volume, I am currently responding to emails twice daily. At noon and 4pm. If the matter is truly urgent and cannot wait, you may call me at 555-5555. Thank you for understanding and respecting this policy. It's effective, efficient and helps me serve you better. Have a great day. -Marlowe (with help from the fabulous Timothy Ferriss)

3. Jambo! I am on vacation at Sandals all inclusive resort with my hot babe! If you really need something, contact my bitch, Dwight Schrute. Ps, Dwight's gay! J/K LOL! Kisses, Michael Scott





Okay, the next one I use on mom all the time. it's really simple:

4. And then?

As you might imagine, this results in an infinite loop. My mother writes an email about her canasta game. The Out Of Office reply says, "And then?" At which point she replies about getting too much sun on Collins Ave. "And then?" Early bird special. "And Then?" and on and on and on.

And finally:

5. Hey. I'm dropping a deuce. I'll be back in a jiffy.

New Jib Jab Video

In theory, this is supposed to be a blog and I'm supposed to update it from time to time. More specifically, it's helpful when my posts are on topic and keep you abreast of the latest in viral videos and media. Even more specifically, said posts best serve the reader if they pertain to how viral media is effecting the first presidential election of a mature internet age. All of that said, below is the latest Jib Jab video that's taking this series of tubes by storm. So, watch and enjoy, if you're so inclined. If not, scroll below it find a rant by yours truly.



A Rant.
by Philip Marlowe

People of the United States: Don't you know you are fucking dumb? Governments that buy banks are called socialist. Republicans that support opening our borders and offering amnesty to illegal immigrants are called hippies. Regulatory boards that lower interest rates to 2.25% are called fucking stupid. Don't you people know that the market dictates lending rates and when such equilibrium is undermined by the government, the result is diluted currency and consumer inflation? If your life savings is not currently under your mattress in Aussie dollars, god help you. Yesterday, I somehow found myself in conversations with four different people who closed out their Washington Mutual bank accounts. Four! Oh, and here's my point: I don't feel pity or sorrow for any of you piggies! I turn on the radio. I turn on the local news. And I hear stories about families having to choose between gassing up their SUVs or putting food on their table. I hear stories of people driving 30 miles to Mexico to gas their cars with Saudi drilled, American refined, Mexican subsidized, sub-standard fuel. And you're all fucking morons. If you live so above your means that a mere tremor in the price of goods sends you hurdling over the edge, you probably should have been aborted. And if you live that way and decided it was a good idea to start a family, have children, then you definitely should have been aborted. These are tough times. I get it. But part of being a grown-up requires anticipation and vigilance. I believe they call that "planning ahead". History has taught us time after time that, contrary to popular belief, there is not always joy in Mudville. Sometimes, jetliners crash into skyscrapers. Sometimes, Multinational corporations lie on income statements to shareholders. And the beat goes on. So in conclusion, if I see another fat piggie from Palmdale tell a hot Asian reporter that she had to buy gas instead of eggs this week, I'm gonna blow my brains out.