Find Your Polling Place With Google Maps

It's election day. Do you know where your polling place is? Let Google tell you with this handy little maplet.

CNN will be live for the next twenty plus hours. It's like Gulf War 1 all over again.

We're taking a survey. What do you think we should do with this blog after the election is over?

We've made it pretty clear that we don't particularly like either candidate. But we do like gambling. And intrade.com says that the money is on Barack Obama. Money talks, and the money is giving Obama 347 electoral votes and McCain 191 electoral votes.

I'm watching CNN right now. Was that Dave Chappelle on stage with Joe biden? It sorta looked like him.

If you vote in California and you like other people telling you how to vote, here's he official Viralroots Voting Guide:

STATE MEASURES
1A. No
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. No
8. No
9. No
10. No
11. Yes
12. No

May the best man win. And if he doesn't, please, try not to resort to violence.

This is Philip Marlowe, signing off.

New Barack Obama is Boring

What happened to Obama the celebrity? Because Obama the politician is boooorrrriiinngg. He needs to stay on message. Meaning, talk about change, not about what change is. The devil truly is in the details. Make me believe you'll make things better. Don't tell me how. Another $1000 in stimulus? Please! If a thousand dollars could change my life, I'd make a deposit at the sperm bank. And Wall Street regulation? Snooze! Crack down on lobbyists? I don't actually think the average American can tell me what a lobbyist is. And as a private detective/c-list blogger who does know what a lobbyist is, I really don't think a crack down will effect the way I live. I really prefer Obama acting all schticky and cutesy like he did on Letterman.

Attack Ads: McCain Hits Hard With Lipstick and Fact Check

I gotta admit, Obama is sounding desperate in his off-the-cuff speech. It's like he's willing to say anything. It's vaguely reminiscent of the flustered Hillary Clinton that emerged. The Obama people gotta figure out a better way to manage this whole Palin thing. The Karl Rove handbook says go after her strengths. I can see how it's difficult when her greatest strength is that she's a she.

John McCain Is NOT A Maverick

Latest attack ad from Barack Obama. "John McCain is more of the same." I didn't get a chance to talk about McCain's RNC speech, but in case anyone cares, I actually thought it was pretty good. Not that I know anything at all about campaign strategy, but it seemed to hit the notes it was supposed to hit and it struck me as sincere. Surprised?

John McCain Picks Running Mate, Makes Crazy Video

Alaska: Coldest state, hottest governor.

You've no doubt heard that John McCain has picked Sarah Palin as his VP running mate. I'm really conflicted about this. I like Sarah Palin because, well, she's sorta hot. So there is that. However, if I had to make a list of people more out of touch than John McCain, my list would consist of the homeless, the mentally ill, and those who live in Alaska.

Anyway, here's a video from McCain called "Convention Night" in which he perfectly channels Dr. Evil by oh so insidiously trumping Obama. Mwahahaha.

Attack Ads: Confusing John McCain Ad Boggles Minds

The latest attack ad coming from the McCain camp is called "Remote Control." I'd like to think I'm a fairly bright guy, but I found this video confusing as shit. Within the video is TV. And on that TV is random clips of global violence. And this is a fancy TV, because it has Picture-In-Picture. And the Picture-In-Picture displays more random clips, but of various politicians talking about Obama's lack of experience. And then Chris Dodd comes on, which is just weird cuz I haven't thought about him in like years. It's all very strange and I think It's supposed to mean that Obama's lack of experience caused the conflict in Georgia but I'm not really sure.

Barack Obama Look-Alike

With all the craziness of the DNC, it's important not to lose sight of what's really important. Such as the Barack Obama look-alike. According to this video, he's a Cuban-American reporter. And he looks exactly like Obama. But then, he speaks. And he starts looking exactly like Tony Montana, political prisoner.

Statistics Going Into DNC

Going into the Democratic National Convention, Gallup has McCain and Obama tied up at 45% a piece. Rasmussen Reports puts Obama in the lead with 46% to McCain's 42%. Despite the candidates being neck-and-neck, various web metrics still diverge greatly, consistently favoring Obama. While JohnMcCain.com has seen a major traffic increase since earning the nomination, BarackObama.com is still averaging over a million more hits per month [Compete]. That's over double the traffic.

If you look at search engine traffic, over 3000 keywords are driving visitors to barackobama.com while just under 1000 keywords drive visits to johnmccain.com


On Youtube, Obama is remains light years ahead of McCain for subscribers and views. It's just impossible for McCain to make any headway so the raw Youtube numbers are pretty worthless. There's one interesting consistency. Obama's Youtube videos are generally rated 5 stars. McCain's are generally rated 3 stars. See the graphic above.

Joe Biden To Add Comedy To Obama Campaign

Senator Joe Biden, (frequently referred to as the "Norm Macdonald of D.C." (and when I say frequently, I mean I just made that up)) has been chosen to lighten up the Barack Obama campaign with his particular brand of humor as the Democratic vice presidential nominee. The comic styling of Joe Biden will no doubt reel in the stoner vote. See below.

HOUSE WARS: McCain Fires Back At Obama Attack Ad

Oh, it's on! There's blood in the streets as John McCain and Barack Obama battle to reign supreme in owning the least amount of real estate. Rumor has it that John McCain just moved into a burnt out meth trailer, only to be outdone when Obama took up residency in an Andy Gump behind Wrigley Field with Tony Rezko. They are both expected to pick out cardboard boxes in Los Angeles' exclusive Skid Row this weekend. News as it breaks.

Attack Ads: McCain On Obama's Messiah Complex

The McCain camp has a sense of sarcasm and irony that can only be truly appreciated by the stoned. We've seen McCain go after Obama's celebrity status. Which clearly backfired, resulting in Paris Hilton running for President. Now, McCain attacks Obama by exposing the dangers of his messianic-like following to the world. (It's called "The One.") Job well done. I have absolutely no fucking clue who this attack ad is supposed to appeal to. It again feels like McCain is Obama's campaign manager. And sorta good at it. Who doesn't want to vote for a black rockstar jesus?

Barack Obama Attack Ads: McCain Owns Too Many Homes

Barack Obama has come out swinging with the attack ads. There are five new mudslinging commercials just in the last day. Any my very favorite is a tv ad entitled "Seven." It has nothing to do with Brad Pitt and everything to do with the seven houses John McCain owns. As in, the other day when John McCain was asked how many houses he owns, he lost track. Well guess what, Mr. McCain. You own seven! So there! And that's like I dunno six too many! Stuff it!



Firstly, I'd like to say that ragging on John McCain for "losing track" of anything is totally cruel. It's like making fun of a retarded kid for playing baseball like, well, a retarded kid. Secondly, nothing epitomizes the current state of the Democratic Party like an attack ad going after the success (rather, successfully marrying) of an opponent. Cartman makes fun of Kenny for being poor. And Obama makes fun of McCain for being (marrying) rich. And I know with the federal government bailing out sub-prime borrowers that don't read fine-print, bank-rolling private banks and sending out "stimulus" checks, we are plummeting into a dark age of socialism in America. But despite all this, it's only a shift in ideology, Obama's anti-capitalist thinking, that can spell doom for a Liberal society.

Now, you all know how I feel about John McCain, but it's the American dream to have your own little real estate empire. For better or for worse, we're one of the only societies on the planet that incentivizes home ownership. And it should preclude me or anyone else from holding public office? Success is the American dream. And I refuse to support any candidate that tries to spin that into a negative.

Mr. Obama: Go after McCain's politics. Attack his energy policy. Hell, go after his tie. But leave my dream out of it.

John McCain and YouTube

Today's Washington Times article on John McCain and the Viral phenomenon surrounding his recent 'Celebrity' attacks is quite interesting. According to the article, the recent series of 'brutal yet entertaining' attack ads and the 'combination of wit and insult, has pushed his YouTube channel to the sixth most watched on the site this week.' And John McCain has beaten Barack Obama's channel for 'seven straight days and 11 of the past 14 days.'

This article theorizes that McCain is trying to court the YouTube vote. And goes on to characterize this as a 'giant reversal' since 'Obama had been quadrupling McCain's YouTube views and (was beating) him every day since February.'

The Drudge Report is also onto this theory and has titled the link to the article, 'McCain takes lead on YouTube hits.' Both parties see this as a good sign for McCain. BUT, all this harkens back our Viralroots argument/theory that knowing the true temperament of viewers is impossible. Right? Let's discuss, cause I'm not convinced this is a win for McCain.

Firstly, I don't always think all publicity is good publicity. There's the possiblity the ads could rub people the wrong way. And, regardless of the effect of the ads, its also not automatic that the the viewers are McCain supporters, ie. what if half the viewers are Obama fans who are pissed off, but want to see the ads? Does it even matter? Will online buzz even equate to votes? Time will tell.

But in my opinion, this stuff makes McCain look bad. His handlers have put him into a situation where he's associated him with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears attack ads and now...Paris Hilton's video has gone viral - and it attacks him back! This press can't be good for McCain. The message, whatever it was, is lost and the Viral-ness has taken over. Obama is virtually unaffected. And Paris Hilton is the real winner. Ya' know, cause she's so...hot. Uggg...

For some perspective with the statistics: Obama's YouTube channel still dominates, with 51 million all-time video views. McCain trails with 8.3 million views.
McCain's silver lining: He's garnered 4.1 million views this month compared with Obama's 2 million as of Wednesday evening.

(Washington Times Link)

Viral Video Of The Week: Ludacris Rap: Obama Is Here

Apparently, we have an angry reader. I've taken a look at our traffic logs and it seems that a commenter who was majorly pwned for using bad grammar has decided to flip it and rip on the Pulitzer-Prize-worthy work of Viralroots.com. Same IP address. Shittee becomes shitter. Interesting.
Anyway, I just wanted to remind all our readers of the insanely high standards to which Viralroots and the rest of the blogging community strive. Over the years, we've worked really hard to cite "sources", "license" content, report "facts", minimize "opinion" and conform to academic writing "standards". When we're not talking about how fucking hot Elizabeth Kucinich is, or prematurely declaring John McCain out of the race, we like to let our hair down and be a little silly. To remind you of the level of sophistication we're dealing with here, below please find Ludacris's new hit song about the awesomeness that is Barack Obama, our Viral Video Of The Week. Enjoy.

Barack Obama: Best Candidate Ever

Did you know that Barack Obama is waaayyy cooler and waaayyy more famous than Britney Spears and Paris Hilton combined? Seriously. He's the most famous celebrity in the world! Wherever he goes, people chant his name like he's a fucking Beatle. That's pretty sweet. You know how I know all this? From watching John McCain ads. Yup. McCain is now running Obama's campaign. And he's doing an awesome job. There's something in the end about how Obama wants to protect cute little baby seals and dolphins from offshore drilling and something about taxes, but i wasn't really paying attention.

Sling Is In The Air: Attack Ads

Get it? Sling? That's funny.

The John McCain camp busts out with two ads. One targeting Barack Obama as "Dr. No." (If you ask me, I'll take it. My parents always wanted their baby to be a doctor.) The "No" refering to Obama's energy policy which means "no" on offshore drilling, "no" on nuclear, etc. Clearly, a topic he'll need to come around on. (The fear amongst leftys of nuclear power is tantamount to tribal natives fearing a coke bottle.)

And ya can't attack Obama without talking about his flip-flop on public campaign funding. It's sorta remarkable how easy YouTube makes it to launch this sort of campaign. "Web ads," they call them. It seems like you can keep on cranking them out with less thought and quality control than what would be put into national and even local spots.

Is It In Yet?

**UPDATE 5PM PST -- OH, IT'S IN

CNN: BREAKING NEWS: Hillary Clinton is willing to take the vice presidential slot on a Barack Obama presidential ticket, New York lawmakers tell CNN.

AP: Clinton says she's open to being Obama's VP

AP: AP tally: Obama effectively clinches nomination

POLITICO: Obama readies for nod while Clinton eyes exit

REUTERS: Clinton campaign says not conceding as race nears end

Oh and now, ladies and gentlemen, my bigoted mother-and-law:

Obama Wants The Gays

Is it offensive when I say, "the gays?" Stop me if it is. Anyway, I got an email this morning saying the the Obama campaign has asked various grassroots Obama groups for their support at the big annual West Hollywood gay pride parade here in Los Angeles. The Obama camp is no doubt nervous that Hillary Clinton's haircut is clearly more gay friendly. Seriously guys, stop me if this offensive. I just love how candidates work to fabricate photo ops, etc. And don't get me wrong, I totally get it. LA is a national trend setter. If the gays in Ohio see the gays in LA supporting Obama, so too will they. Seriously, stop me. Even if this is just boring, stop me. An excerpt from the email:

The Need:
We would like to invite 250 energetic, motivated, diverse Obama supporters who would like to help Obama with Pride/LGBT visibility at the LA-West Hollywood/CSW Pride Parade

The Empire Strikes Barack

This is sweet. Star Wars meets the 2008 Democratic Primary Election. Barack and Hillary, Skywalker and Vader. It was created a few months ago but only recently is beginning to get some visibility. This abnormally long, 15 month campaign apparently offers people enough time and material to create hybrid movies about the election. Ha. Its a little insane, the duration of the campaigning, but this video is a cool byproduct of it all. Views have quintupled in the last 2 days and rightfully so...check it out:

2007 YouTube Video Awards

When I picture all the aspiring filmmakers in all the world, first I picture like a billion people. Like, almost as many as the aspiring bloggers. And then, I picture all of their films. And again, there's like a billion of them. And let's say 10,000 of them end up on YouTube. And then, I picture a world where, of these thousands of short films, the very best one of the year is the Alzheimer's short. And finally, my brain explodes all over my desk.

And that concludes my coverage of the "Short Film" category.

Of the other 2007 YouTube Video Awards winners, I'm strangely a huge fan of the Laughing Baby. He tops the "Adorable" category.

From now on, when I say "we", I'm referring to the America's Funniest Home Video Generation.

I've invented a new category for the YouTube Video Awards. It's called "Best YouTube Prophet". The winner is Pastor James David Manning of the ATLAH Ministries. Below, he speaks affectionately of Barack Obama. And when I say affectionately, I mean not affectionately.

Sometimes, I underwhelm myself. And in conjunction with all the quaintness of the 2007 YouTube Video Awards, it's nap time.