At Least We Have Sarah Palin

Another day, another 360 points down the poop shoot. At least there's Tina Fey and her impression of that Ice Road gremlin to keep up smiling. PS, I just heard a guy on CNN say, not playing the stock market is pretty sound advice.

Viral Video Of The Week

Duh, Homer Simpson Tries To Vote For Obama.

Below is a rant. And not even a good one. So if that doesn't float your boat, just watch the Simpsons video and move on.

I've been an absent leader this week. I just recently discovered that I have a day job. So I'm gonna make up for it by just saying a bunch of random shit right now.

Firstly, everyone is insane.

I love that Sarah Palin won last night's debate simply because she survived. I'm sick and tired of feminists bitching about glass ceilings, but god forbid Joe Biden raise his voice to a girl.

Anyone who can even pretend that Palin is ready for DC or adds something to the ticket is entirely delusional. It's not even a discussion. It's simple physics. There's not an industry in the world that would hire someone this unprepared to be their CEO's backup. Arguing otherwise is like saying you can flap your arms and fly to the moon.

By the way, if I ever found myself having a conversation with someone that speaks and gestures and behaves the way she does, I'd probably blow my brains out. Could you imagine asking someone questions that consistently either answers different questions or doesn't answer at all? If she's VP, there might be heads of state slitting their wrists in meetings.

Maybe I'm an asshole because I'm from a big city, but it seriously blows my mind that anyone of this personality type can tie their shoes, yet alone make it into the public spotlight. I've only seen people like this in the movie FARGO and on the show Ice Road Truckers. God help these people.

I could just keep on posting links to the Katie Couric interview etc, but PETA says I can no longer beat dead horses.

Senator McCain: Congratulations, you blew it. And I wait with baited breath for you to "make famous" those responsible for the billions of dollars in pork attached to this bailout bill that you voted for. At least you were neither "absent" nor "present" this time.

I could go into our downward spiral towards socialism and rip into Obama and talk about how Schwarzenegger threw us Californians under the bus, but this has been exhausting. I'll save all that for another time.

Sarah Palin Swimsuit Beauty Pageant Video

CORRECTION

Ignore the below Viral Video Of The Week. It's crude and I apologize. My Bubbie already called and said she fell out of her chair when she saw it. Shame on me. Rather, enjoy the sensual curves of Sarah Palin in a one-piece sweatin it to the 80s. And when I say sensual curves, I mean dumpy ass. What's next? John McCain hosting a 1992 wet t-shirt competition in Ft. Lauderdale? No wonder my people love him down there.

Hilarious Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt

I know our readers aren't exactly the sharpest in the tubes. In fact, when I was showed this I was told it was pro Palin. Well, clearly it's not. You see, once upon a time, a movie came out called JUNO. And JUNO was about a teenage girl having an unplanned pregnancy. She chose to keep the baby. And then, a gal no one heard of named Sarah Palin won the Republican vice presidential nomination. And it just so happens that she has a pregnant teenage daughter. Just like Juno. Hence the T-Shirt. Get it? [Anti Sarah Palin T-Shirt]

MORE ANTI SARAH PALIN T-SHIRTS

Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on SNL...sorta

Watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton on last night's season premier of Saturday Night Live. The two women address sexism in the campaigns. Its hilarious...check it:

Sarah Palin On God And War With Charlie Gibson

Well, at least she backpedals like a real politician.

A brief transcript from the interview:

GIBSON: You said recently in your old church, “Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God.”

[PALIN speaking in an archive clip]: Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right, also for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God.

GIBSON: Are we fighting a Holy War?

PALIN: That’s a repeat of Abraham Lincoln’s words, when he said, first he suggested, never presume to know what God’s will is, and I would never presume to know God’s will or to speak god’s words, but what Abraham Lincoln had said, and that’s a repeat in my comments, was, let us not pray that God is on our side, in a war, or any other time. But let us pray that we are on God’s side. That’s what that comment was all about, Charlie.

Obviously, what Palin says at that speech bears no resemblance to her own explanation given in last night's interview. I've done a little Googling and there's no possible way anyone in their right mind could construe Palin's words as some sort of re-imagining of Abraham Lincoln's words. Now, Lincoln clearly spent a lot of time speaking of god. But, within the context of invoking god as justification for policy, it seems Lincoln was implying the complete opposite of what Sarah Palin said in her speech.

Abraham Lincoln's quote from wikiquote: "Our task should not be to invoke religion and the name of God by claiming God's blessing and endorsement for all our national policies and practices—saying, in effect, that God is on our side. Rather, we should pray and worry earnestly whether we are on God's side."

Attack Ads: McCain Hits Hard With Lipstick and Fact Check

I gotta admit, Obama is sounding desperate in his off-the-cuff speech. It's like he's willing to say anything. It's vaguely reminiscent of the flustered Hillary Clinton that emerged. The Obama people gotta figure out a better way to manage this whole Palin thing. The Karl Rove handbook says go after her strengths. I can see how it's difficult when her greatest strength is that she's a she.

Sarah Palin Wins Vagina Vote

Hot off the presses from Reuters:

"Before the Democratic National Convention in late August, Obama held an 8 percentage point lead among white women voters, 50 percent to 42 percent, but after the Republican convention in early September, McCain was ahead by 12 points among white women, 53 percent to 41 percent, the poll found."

This point swing is something we haven't seen in a very long time. Back in the university days, we used to call a swing like this "statistically significant." How refreshing. Is Samantha Bee right? Are women abandoning that whole pro-choice thing to get a woman into the White House? Just like that, huh? If Democratic women believed in god, I'd say they just sold their soul for vagina. Now of course I sell my soul for vagina every friday and saturday night at bars and clubs, but I sorta expected more from the fairer sex.

John McCain Picks Running Mate, Makes Crazy Video

Alaska: Coldest state, hottest governor.

You've no doubt heard that John McCain has picked Sarah Palin as his VP running mate. I'm really conflicted about this. I like Sarah Palin because, well, she's sorta hot. So there is that. However, if I had to make a list of people more out of touch than John McCain, my list would consist of the homeless, the mentally ill, and those who live in Alaska.

Anyway, here's a video from McCain called "Convention Night" in which he perfectly channels Dr. Evil by oh so insidiously trumping Obama. Mwahahaha.